Evaluations of all sorts

So I've finished my first year of law school in a rather unspectacular fashion. My grades were rather disappointing. Please don't write in and tell me that they weren't or they probably not as bad as I think they are. "Disappointing" is the most accurate and realistic depiction of my grades.

I know there are a few people out there who aren't "Terrence Ma" fans. I certainly don't claim to be friends or even friendly to everyone. If I don't like you, I've probably made it explicitly clear to you. So I can imagine there at least a few people who love to watch me fail.

That's how it goes though. I think my Crim Prof put it best when he said, "... its unfortunate that no schools teach a course called "rolling-with-the-punches 101" for 1st year law." As soon as I got the news, my first instinct was to do my best to hide and avoid the whole situation all together. But... that wouldn't be me.

I gave it my all, and I came up short. Everyone is free to judge as what I am and what I've accomplish. I'm not one advertise all my successes but I won't hide my failures either. My father and my family was supportive... shockingly i don't think they cared. My father laughed at me, when I said a little ashamed of myself. Heather and Jenna laughed at me... mostly because they thought it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was. My CBA mentor reassured me that my career as a lawyer was no where near the definition of "doomed." Mike, like a good best friend, was supportive and prescribed alcohol as a cure. We drank to 6am... and I felt better about the situation.

Had I been the top 10% or bottom 1%, the outcome would have been the same. I wouldn't have stopped. I wouldn't have quit. Regardless, of how hard or how many times i slipped i've never seriously entertained the idea of quitting. The workload could have been a 100x larger and would've just done it.

It's tough to explain why I want to be a lawyer. Its not a want or a need. I don't need the money. I could care less about work hours or work load that's required. If you ask me what its like, I'll tell you. Its intellectual torture. Its a 24/7 mind fuck. There is never a perfect answer, but you could have always written a better one. So why would any sane person do this? I don't know... I guess i'm not sane. I get frustrated trying to explain why I want to do is... again, its not a "want" or a "need"... it just "is" Every fiber of me says this is right... this is what I ought to do, it is as innate as breathing for me. This is what makes me happy, no sane person quits that.

I can't wait till next year, when I can post a blog of how much I improved:)