Got Change?

Today I saw some kids on the side of my street attempting to sell lemonade. Seeing them attempting to earn money the good old fashion way was touching. It's a rare thing to see a kid in Eastview try to earn his place in the world in a honest form. Being a Eastview survivor myself, i felt compelled to help them out. Plus, I figured a guy like me could spare the tooney. So I go over there, told them that i'd take a lemonade. At that point, a few very surprised... very suspicious adults or "young" adults rushed over. By young adults I mean, younger than me but biologically mature enough to pop a few kids out. They looked bewildered and particularly suspicious of my presence.

I gave the tooney to the kids, who then had it immediately taken away from them by the adults. The adults took my money, asked if i wanted change... i said no. Not wanting to look weird, i drank the lemonade under the overbearing looming of the "adults".

What was suppose to be a act of charity turned into a very weird and awkward experience. It's tough being a nice guy. I really felt those kid's parents (i assume they were their parents), wanted them to fail... or at least had some twisted lesson waiting for them when they came home with nothing. Instead, some strange Asian guy gave them a tooney, and drank their sub-par lemonade and ruined their attempt to teach their kids that life's not fair. Its too early to be learning that when your 5 or 6.

I know most people wouldn't even bother noticing these poor kids. Many treat them the same as any other peddler and homeless person; they are ignored. I always give change to the homeless and when I don't have change i've been known to give granola bars, my lunch, parts of my lunch and at one time my cup of coffee. I've been doing so ever since my father decided to give me an allowance. I can't help it. Each time I do this, i'll always get jeers or stares from people standing nearby and even from people I know.

But the way I justify it, is that the coins I just gave him has more than just monetary value. I gave him an opportunity to make a choice either to spend the money on drugs or on food... to invest in his addiction or to invest in himself. So long as one person decides to spend it on the latter, than whatever small fortune i've spent doing this was worth it.

It is an immutable truth that life is not fair. I certainly agree, but that doesn't mean I can't be.

Evaluations of all sorts

So I've finished my first year of law school in a rather unspectacular fashion. My grades were rather disappointing. Please don't write in and tell me that they weren't or they probably not as bad as I think they are. "Disappointing" is the most accurate and realistic depiction of my grades.

I know there are a few people out there who aren't "Terrence Ma" fans. I certainly don't claim to be friends or even friendly to everyone. If I don't like you, I've probably made it explicitly clear to you. So I can imagine there at least a few people who love to watch me fail.

That's how it goes though. I think my Crim Prof put it best when he said, "... its unfortunate that no schools teach a course called "rolling-with-the-punches 101" for 1st year law." As soon as I got the news, my first instinct was to do my best to hide and avoid the whole situation all together. But... that wouldn't be me.

I gave it my all, and I came up short. Everyone is free to judge as what I am and what I've accomplish. I'm not one advertise all my successes but I won't hide my failures either. My father and my family was supportive... shockingly i don't think they cared. My father laughed at me, when I said a little ashamed of myself. Heather and Jenna laughed at me... mostly because they thought it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was. My CBA mentor reassured me that my career as a lawyer was no where near the definition of "doomed." Mike, like a good best friend, was supportive and prescribed alcohol as a cure. We drank to 6am... and I felt better about the situation.

Had I been the top 10% or bottom 1%, the outcome would have been the same. I wouldn't have stopped. I wouldn't have quit. Regardless, of how hard or how many times i slipped i've never seriously entertained the idea of quitting. The workload could have been a 100x larger and would've just done it.

It's tough to explain why I want to be a lawyer. Its not a want or a need. I don't need the money. I could care less about work hours or work load that's required. If you ask me what its like, I'll tell you. Its intellectual torture. Its a 24/7 mind fuck. There is never a perfect answer, but you could have always written a better one. So why would any sane person do this? I don't know... I guess i'm not sane. I get frustrated trying to explain why I want to do is... again, its not a "want" or a "need"... it just "is" Every fiber of me says this is right... this is what I ought to do, it is as innate as breathing for me. This is what makes me happy, no sane person quits that.

I can't wait till next year, when I can post a blog of how much I improved:)